Saturday, June 30, 2007

maybe, yes or no

that is how I feel today. I was supposed to get my period on Thursday but as far as today I have the big fat NOTHING. I took a pregnancy test this morning and I got a result but it's a moot point when I lost the box with directions to the results. Pretty dumb not to mention frustrating. I'm not trying to get my hopes up YET only cause I don't want my hopes to come crashing down. This is something I would never ever choose to go through but yet here I am having to keep my chin up and deal. I've decided to keep working out, keep eating more veggies and consult with a TCM (traditional Chinese medicine) physician. Which for me is really out of the realm of normalcy. But quite frankly my life really has never ever been real normal. Well I lie, since I met Luke (my husband) he's given more of sense of stability and normalcy. I guess if you are reading this for the first time let me fill you in on why I just mentioned that about normalcy.
In a nut shell.....I never knew my dad, my mom passed away when I was 9 yrs old and after a year of living with an aunt I went to live with my 75 yr old grandmother. She treated way better than my aunt but her son (my uncle) was a drunk and lived with us too. Well, anyone whose lived w/an alcoholic knows that it's not all roses. I got a job when I turned 18 and met this lovely motherly lady there. Basically she took me in cause she knew how rough it was for me at home and her kids, after a while, accepted in their family. So after many years of wanting a family, I got a new family and new beginning too. So there, that is why I say my life really isn't normal.
Getting back to the pending pregnancy if I am pregnant. I am wishing with all my heart I am but if I'm not well I've had to make a plan to be able to cope with the disappointment. I've told myself the sooner I get my period the soon I can start TCM. To some that may sound odd to think that way but I'm a planner. I've had since I was very small since life's taught me that I have to be prepared for the unexpected.