Thursday, December 27, 2007

belated belated Feliz navidad......

Well this year we decided to be at home for Christmas and cook brisket and invite some friends over. It turned out nicer than I thought....we had a great time. I so was not looking forward to going to visit my in laws the next day only cause SIL was gonna be there....but hey gotta take one for the team I suppose. Oh by the way SIL is farther along than we all thought....she thought she was 8wks but she's 13 weeks! How the heck do you not pay attention if you missed a period especially when you are trying to get pregnant is beyond me....I guess being infertile makes me much more sensitive to knowing how your body works cycle-wise. Anywho.....we got there and it was OK.....she does NOT look preggers at all so that actually helped in that she was not doing any belly rubbing. She was being civil as well and nice............I actually started to like her again. I used to like hanging out with her but that comment ruined our friendship...apparently she's gotten very mean with EVERYONE and bitchy like no one's business. She snapped both at DH and her husband for little things...i could tell her husband was getting fed up with her attitude. Luckily I was not a victim of her bitchiness.....oh I was prepared believe me I was! Anyways not much happened we had a good time even played the game of Life. We came back near 9pm and I had to get ready for bed since I had work the next day......blah! I'm still very much sad these days but with the holidays out of the way I'm hoping I start to see a little of my old self. today is CD 24 and as far as symptoms go: sore breasts, cramping and sore lower back as well. Yes yes I know all signs of AF about to make her unpleasant visit...but these symptoms are far more strong than usual, part of me hopes that maybe just maybe I can be pregnant naturally.....but hey that's only hope. If I am not, we are still planning on going through with IVF #2 in March or April. Gosh I hope it's a success this time, nothing would be sweeter than to be pregnant on my birthday in that would rock!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Part of our family

So this past Friday one of our dogs had to be rushed to the veterinary emergency clinic. I had planned to enjoy my 1/2 day off from work to try to get over my sinus infection but, as luck would have it didn't happen that way. DH and I were sitting down enjoying a TV show when I got up to get something from the kitchen, well as usual Rudy, Abbey and Maddock all followed me. I turned around and that's when I noticed Rudy's upper part of his face looked swollen. I bent down to touch his face and noticed it was swollen and puffy. I yelled @ DH to come look @ Rudy because he didn't look right & when he saw what I'd seen we took off the Vet ER clinic. Now anyone who has a small dog or a cat knows that because of their size any allergic reaction whether it's cause of an insect bite or food that it's gonna affect them even more than a large dog. Well Rudy is a 7 lb chihuahua so you can imagine my concern especially since the swelling was spreading & I feared it would block his air way. Plus we weren't sure right away what caused it until DH saw a broken capsule on the couch....he'd ingested part of my herbal pills I take for liver/gallbladder support.
I took the bottle that the pills come in and we took that w/us to the clinic. We got there around 6ish but didn't leave till a little after 8pm, and we left with out him. let me tell you that night was not the same and the other dogs kept looking for him. We were able to pick him around 1pm the next day but I don't think anyone in our household slept well that night.
You see our dogs & cats are our fur babies until we have are human babies. Even if we ever are blessed with babies they will still be our first babies. But Rudy is a little bit extra special to me. He came to us in May 2006, the same month we lost our baby due to an ectopic. He was a belated birthday gift that I got from a friend. I was not looking to replace or forget our baby by any means, since it'd been 3 weeks and the loss was very much still fresh. But I was extremely depressed and was seeing a counselor to help deal with the loss but still felt broken, hollow and I was afraid I'd never be able to be a mother or "mother" anyone ever again. I was in a fog and just could not get out of it. Three days after we got him I went to my counseling session and even my counselor noticed something had changed in me, I smiled just talking about this 2lb little puppy. I talked to her about our newest addition but felt a bit guilty and didn't want it to seem to anyone that I'd forgotten or replaced our baby. But she assured me that what we lost was very precious and getting Rudy did not replace or make us forget that loss rather it allowed to ease the pain we as a couple felt. By focusing on this new puppy and his needs it took the focus of our heart & pain off us. I still cry from time to time and I know DH may or may not cry but he gets sad too for our loss we are both grateful for Rudy, who came to us at a time when we were hurting bad. And as for me, he helped me to be able to see that I can still be mothering. Each of our fur babies are special to us and some may or may not agree with me but to us they are part of our family. I hope we are blessed one day with child(ren) so they can experience the unconditional love a pet brings. Sometimes I sit and imagine how much richer our lives will be.
so here are a few picture of our fur babies. Enjoy. the top picture that is Rudy and Abbey and the other picture that is Maddock.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Blog you very much!

sorry this is such a late post but I have not been in the best of moods these holidays....but I wanted to do this post from an idea JJ @ reproductive jeans had. Basically it's to explain who inspired you to write a blog about your struggles with infertility and such.
Mine was Larissa over at waiting womb, I had the honor of first meeting her in our local central texas RESOLVE group. Her story inspired me not only to keep going and not loose faith in this battle with infertility but also to see that hey yea it sucks but it WILL HAPPEN. She's now blessed to be awaiting the birth of her beautiful baby girl Elodie. I've not been through all she's been through mainly cause our diagnosis is not the same but I feel and understand her struggle and frustration with the whole thing. I hope that when March/April comes around in 2008 that we will be blessed too. But for now just wanted to tell Larissa "blog you very much!"

I'll make sure I post some more in a couple of days...have some stuff other than SIL drama and infertility that I'd like to share....maybe even some photos of my furry babies! till then, stay warm & dry if ya'll live in Texas!