Dream a little dream.........

All of us have a dream, I'm sure. Some of us have "big" dreams others have "small" dreams. I think my dream is neither.....it's a dream that has grown out of the desire in my heart for my daughter. You see I'm dreaming that sometime this year I can become an a stay at home mom. I've told a couple of friends and family this dream and I get either of these two reactions: " really? are you sure? don't you want to stay with the state and contribute to your retirement, you know the economy is not very good right now." OR i get...." wow! that's great! it's a BIG decision but one that will be worth while in the long run" I always thought if I EVER was blessed to become a mother I'd vow to be the BEST mom I could to MY child. Don't get me wrong I have NOTHING against working moms....hey I am one! But lately it's been tugging at my heartstrings to become a SAHM. I see Sofie growing up and every day she does something NEW...and I'm not there to see it first hand until I get home and the either Luke or the sitter tells me about it. Luke and I discussed me becoming SAHM mths before Sofie was born actually as soon as we found out it was a viable pregnancy and for all intent and purposes that all would turn out well in the end. I was a little hesitant to the idea at first only because I've been working since I was like 15. I enjoyed staying those 8plus weeks I had off for Maternity leave but I was also glad to be back at work. Then I went back to work and that first day was HELL. All my fellow co-worker moms told me " oh it gets better, yea you miss them at first but really you'll get over it..." guess what...........I'm not OVER it. I think I miss Sofie more today than that first day I dropped her off at daycare. Luke and I have thought how can we afford for one of us to stay home especially with his job being a little shaky. We've gone over our budget and after paying off some of the store credit cards, credit cards and our car we can manage w/his income alone....this fortunately can be done w/ some savings and income tax rebate. It will be tough but we can make ONLY if he doesn't get laid off like alot of his co-workers. We have thought of that as well and he's got a job lined up the only thing is it would take him out of town 5 days a week and we'd see him only the weekends. I don't know I feel silly even wanting to be a SAHM, but in my heart I feel it's the right thing for MY family. Luke also has been talking about going to night school and getting a daytime job elsewhere. I do have a way of making some money on the side while I stay at home...a friend of mine is due in May and will not be going back to work till after the end of July, she's been looking around at daycares but can't afford the 1200 plus that it costs and that was at a place that was the cheapest. so she's asked me if i can look after her son and she'd pay me about $700 and I'd have him from 6:30 till 2pm. It is a possibility I definitely would take but again it all rests on if Luke can secure a job by end of July. So till then I dream my dream...who knows maybe it will come true....I mean I did have a dream to become a mom and well we all know how well that ended. :)