Green Eyed Monster

So i have to vent for just a bit...I got news that a friend of mine ( who I've been seriously considering breaking the friendship with..but that is another later post) is having a boy. So this doesn't really bother me persay but the fact that she's been complaining about having to get on insulin for this pregnancy YET not doing anything to better the situation. She supposedly had her diabetes under control and was told to LOOSE weight before getting pregnant...does she listen? NO. once she got pregnant she was told to watch what she ate and to walk for exercise...does she listen? NO. I now avoid her calls because all she does is complain how because of this pregnancy she has to get on insulin. So for me this is how I see this...when I got pregnant I did everything and anything that was expected of me FOR THE GOOD OF THE BABY! This lady in my opinion is SELFISH. She's due early April and has not bought not one thing for her baby. When I have brought up about baby showers or if she's got any for the baby her answer (before she knew the gender) was "oh I'm waiting to find out what this is first..." she never calls it

the baby it's "this" or "it" Why does this bother me so much? cause I heard her for so long, groan and cry about wanting a baby so bad and now that she's going to have one (hopefully it'll be born healthy despite her diabetes) all I hear is complain, complain, complain! ugh I have even noticed how negative I start being when I am around her. I don't know if it's cause we are starting to try again for baby #2 or it's cause I thought she understood after "longing" for a baby that she may understand what a miracle it is to be pregnant, but I am envious and utterly disgusted with her. There I've said it, utterly disgusted with her selfishness. Like I said this is for a future post but I am seriously considering breaking off the "friendship". It just amazes me how I seem to be a magnet for making friends with people like her.

Full days....

These days I find myself looking at my daughter and wondering where did the time go? She's now 15mths old and it seems all her "babyness" is almost gone and I know have a toddler. I find myself yearning for another baby, but I'm scared. I'm scared to try again and have it fail and get my hopes up again only to get my period another month. I will start acupuncture once again to see if I can concieve again that way but a little part of me is tired... tired of having to need help once again to do something that seems to come so easily to others. I know it worked for me I see the proof...I have a little person who runs around the house yelling and laughing at the cats and dogs while I am cooking or cleaning house, but still.....I am afraid. When I have the time I read other bloggers who struggle with the same fear to have another baby and that in a way is comforting. So yes my days are full and as exhausting as that is at times I feel my heart is not full, I want more... I want another baby or two. I love Sofie but I feel as if my family is not complete yet. I am starting to get that yearning in my heart for another chance to feel a baby move within my womb, to feel the joy I felt nursing the joy that my heart has grown just a little more to make room for our new family member. Time is flying so fast too fast, my baby is no longer a baby anymore but fast becoming a toddler and then soon...preschooler. I know I should be grateful she's a miracle that happened to us but I want more....I need to try but again the fear of failing creeps it's ugly head. Odd how once you been through infertility and have a baby you feel "yes I have won this battle! I no longer am infertile I have a baby finally!" but the reality of the matter is I'll ALWAYS be the "infertile" woman no matter if I have a 15 mth old. That reality is very clear now as I hope each mth that maybe just maybe I've won the baby lottery and have 2 pink lines appear on a pregnancy test.