Sunday, June 1, 2008

a different kind of view...

It seems with only 15 more weeks to go in this pregnancy, I'm starting to see things in a different light now. We went to see my family in McAllen Tx and it was great to see them all but boy was it HOT and HUMID!!!! OMG I spent more time inside than outside, but Luke played with the kids the whole time kicking the ball, jumping around....yea to them he is the uncle that is a kid just like them. And though it was an enjoyable time spending it with the family I could not help but think that it seemed different to me. My nieces asked if I would bring the baby to visit and how much fun they were to have. To me my own nieces looked different I guess because all these years when I was single, newly married or TTC I saw myself as just their Aunt and to me they were the closest thing I would have, as far as having a child in my all that changed. I'm still Aunt Ivonne BUT now rather than just sending them b-day cards and gifts and giving them advice I find myself imaging what the holidays will be like when we take our child to visit them...their cousin. I have 4 nieces and a nephew and the girls are so very curious, smart and take care of each other but I also see how they are with my nephew, who has special needs, and how much more delicate they are with him. And now with this little one my whole view of my immediate family changes in a way I never knew could. I worried at first if I'd be able to get pregnant, THEN if it would be a viable pregnancy, THEN if I could make it past the first trimester, THEN if I could pass the down syndrome test....seeing my family and interacting with them now gives me the courage to face whatever else may even come up.....if infertility has taught me anything it's taught me that nothing in life is certain. So far OLO (our little one) is right on target but I wonder if he/she may show some slow developments later on just as my nephew, notice how I say "wonder" it's odd to me to not "worry" about this when everyone that knows me describes me as a worrywort. I think seeing my family, seeing how happy and accepting they are of other tells me now matter what, all will be ok. I'm no longer just Aunt Ivonne, I'm more part of my family in a way I wasn't before, does that make sense?

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