Tuesday, July 8, 2008

still here so far.........

I’ve been so bad about keeping up with this blog, and it’s not because I have NOTHING to write about it’s the lack of energy I have these days. I’m now nearing the end of this wonderful journey and before we know it, Luke and I will embark on a new journey as parents. I’ve been blessed in that I have no real “complaints” about aches and pains, I’m thinking it’s not cause I don’t’ have them but I am CHERISHING every little detail of this little being growing inside me. Infertility robbed me of a lot of things in my life and consumed me with anguish, doubt and fear but this pregnancy has erased all those awful memories and replaced them with beautiful new ones. I’ve not forgotten what I had to go through to get here but I find myself surprised that those memories don’t hurt anymore. My little girl has been a miracle and life saver for us……..yes I said “little girl”. We found out 3 weeks ago while I was killing time for my hour glucose test and my OB did a quick look-see and we found out we’re going to be parents to a little girl. We’re so over the moon, I know I would have been happy even with a little boy but somehow I feel a little bit more of a connection knowing I’m having a girl. I talk and sing to her and now she reacts to those actions. She moves all the time and I can tell when she’s asleep as well as when she’s most active during the day. I have to admit I will miss being pregnant because I have her all to myself right now and we are inseparable. I’m now a lot slower and a simple walk with the dogs and chores makes me more tired easily but still I have a smile on my face because I know in 10ish weeks we’ll meet our most awaited treasure, our daughter. It’s still taken me time to adjust to being asked how I’m doing and if I’m feeling ok especially with this TX heat, and no one can understand even with the fatigue, heat and the extra weight how I can keep a smile on my face. But to me it’s easy you see, and I have my little girl to thank for that, she’s allowed me to view this whole pregnancy experience in a new light. I went through so many tears and hurt to be able to experience all that pregnancy brings with it, yes even the heartburn and backache I remind myself that this beats being where we were over a year ago. I’ve met some pregnant women along the way, whom you can tell never had to battle infertility, in prenatal class, bookstores and work who all seem to have the same consensus…. they are just plain tired of being pregnant and can’t wait for that baby to be born already, it almost sounds to me like a burden. I guess it’s another thing that infertility has made me realize, how to be grateful for what I have or going through. To me she’s not a burden and even though I wonder now more than ever what she’ll look like but I feel a bit sad and feel as if time is flying by so much faster, I’ve truly enjoyed that my body has be able to sustain her and help her grown stronger and bigger each day, since for the longest time I felt my body was “broken”. And even if she’s the only one we have, at least now I can say I survived and beat infertility and have a beautiful child to show for it.

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