Well this month marks the 1yr anniversary of my failed IVF cycle. I didn't think it would bother me as much as the anniversary of losing sweetpea 1 yr ago in May. But it did.....and it does not help that this past week really sucked @ work. So this week I was late to work, discovered I was on empty ( hubby forgot to gas up the car), our other car broke down ( it'll be expensive to fix), I get a shitty gift @ work and I have something else to bitch about concerning fake "friends". whew...that's a lot in one week! But I do have some good highlights to share as well.
Wed. I get to work and what's waiting for me? a shitty excuse Halloween baggie of candy. I say shitty only cause it looks like it was thrown together all last min. Let me explain why I was upset about it before anyone goes and thinks I'm a materialistic B. Every year during Halloween we get "ghosted" meaning someone leaves you a basket full of candy and little knickknacks. Last yr I got a big ceramic pumpkin full of candy, a notepad, cute pen and pencil and socks. The years before that I got stuff like candles, socks, pens or stationary. All very cool stuff. Now I've been @ this state agency for about 5 yrs so I guess I was used to getting stuff like this. Or maybe it's cause in the basket of goodies there's a ghost you cut out and then another sheet w/instructions to deliver 3 Halloween gifts to people and it even gives examples of stuff to give! So anyways I get the goodies bag and mind you I've been feeling very emotional cause my failed IVF anniversary was that past Monday and our other car has broken...it's just not a very good week and this happens on a Wednesday. So my friend Renie by and I show her my Halloween gift and she tells me "you know I saw two other people get the same thing and they are bitching out loud about it." so in a way I feel a little better cause I didn't want to bitch out loud and didn't want to come across as a B but in a small way too I feel I should just be grateful. So I begin thinking maybe:
1. The person is new ( we did get some new coworkers) and doesn't realize what kinds of goodies to put.
2. Maybe the person doesn't have money to give out good Halloween goodies.
3. Maybe the person is bitter and doesn't give a fuck about giving out last yr's Halloween candy.
Due to me having a shitty week already, I accept it's the last reason on my list that the person gave out this Halloween goodies. So then I get a phone call from one of my so called friends that I've known for about 8 yrs. Now I have not heard from them in almost a 1 1/2 but she's all calling telling me oh it's been so long since we've talked and how have I been blah blah blah fakeness fakeness fakeness....bottom line why she called? She wanted my husband "L" to do a favor for her. I lied to her and told her that we'd be out of town. She then tells me "oh I feel like I have not talked to you in forever, why haven't you called?" I remind her that after the last time we got together ( we did her a favor of helping her move) that I DID call in fact I emailed her and her partner to get together but never got a response! what did she say?" oh I don't remember getting anything" WTF!!!! Oh then she goes on to say "D & I are thinking of adopting, you should come with us to the adoption orientation too so you can get started on that" I reply " You know we're not @ that point yet maybe in another year" to which she replies "well when ARE you gonna do another invitro? and are you sure it'll work this time? at least with adoption you ARE guaranteed a baby" I could not believe my ears, the shit that was coming out of her mth. I've done pretty good about shielding myself from insensitive comments like that but this coming from a so called friend? I pretty much told her that nothing is a guarantee even adoption and this is a personal choice only L and I make.....we don't like to do something just cause others are doing it too, we're not puppets. I said that last part to hurt her more than anything cause she's very much like that....will only do something cause she's a follower of sorts। so then I made an excuse of being busy and hung up. It felt good but made me sad to realize my group of "friends" keeps getting smaller. But on the bright side I guess this stupid IF has shown me who my true friends are.
on a different note, I did get to meet 4 new women @ the RESOLVE support group I attend. We've made plans to get together outside of the meetings and I'm very much looking forward to it.
and my temps are looking great too....going up steadily today was 97.9! yesterday was 97.6! It's the little things in life I'm beginning to see and be thankful for.