CD1

well I found out after coming home from my acupuncture (which was probably the highlight of my day) that my SIL is pregnant.damnit. You know I should have known or at least been prepared to recieve the news but what hurts me too is the fact that she was scared of telling me. I think hubby made it even harder for her to to do that cause every freakin time he talked to her, he kept asking her "so are you pregnant?" WTF!!!!!!! I was doing good this whole time even starting to "hope" that my time would come soon but now.......yea that's gone down to shit. What's worse is I felt obligated to call her and do the "congratulations I'm so happy for you....speech using my fake-ass I'm SO HAPPY voice" I know it would have been hard for me either way but that fact that stupid hubby kept asking her anytime he called to talk to her makes me ( at least how I see it) look like I would be devasted and did not want her to get pregnant. And to top it off when she first told L ( hubby) that they would be trying to get pregnant he told her "I wish you would consider waiting cause I wanted to be the one who had the first grandchild cause I'm the oldest" My sweet stupid husband.....as you can see he says stupid shit like that with out thinking of who it'll affect first....his sister and me. So you see my dilema? yea real shitty. I feel like now I can't even talk to him anymore cause I have no idea what he'll do next time he calls her. I mean will he say "don't talk about your baby cause it'll upset my wife........" Of coarse he told me don't worry we'll get pregnant next...yea and we'll also win the lotto. So I sit here blogging, in between cramping and crying my eyes out. I hope she doesn't call me later cause I had to wash my face and cool down before I called her. today i feel like it will never happen to us and I might as well accept that.Today I feel lonely, heartbroken, frustrated and hopeless. oh and I almost forgot...........my SIL found out this morning she's pregnant and to top if off told DH ( after he congrats her and says he can't wait for it to happen to us) she's sorry but she's doubting it'll happen to us. nice huh? just for that, part of me wants to get pregnant so i can rub it in her face....what a little witch!

Oh yea, today AF started. Lovely day huh?