that's just the kind of luck I have....NOT

So today I found out that SIL is having a boy. My reaction to this news.............devasted. Ok I could blame it on my wacky pregnancy hormones as to why I'm jealous, my culture that I wanted to be one to have the first boy, or I can just be very frank about why I'm upset about it. But before I go into that I'd like to say in my defense yes this makes me look like a bitch when I say I'm not happy she's having a boy that I wanted her to have a girl since she really really wanted a boy, but really I'm not a bitch I'm very nice just ask anyone really and normally I don't hold grudges unless you've hurt me to the core. Well that being said, I am holding a grudge towards her because of the comment she made late last year about she doubting we'd ever get pregnant on our own, I can't help it people that was an uncalled for bitchy ass remark and I am holding on to that grudge seriously dunno if I will ever let it go but right now I can't I just can't. So because of that comment I was really hoping she'd get a girl since when she was down here visiting she went on and on about how she wants a boy and that's all she wanted, so basically my jealously wanted her to NOT get what she wanted for.....once. So DH is ok with it and said and i quote " I don't see what the big deal is" . DH thinks and keeps telling me we're having a boy too, here's the thing people I was ok having a boy or a girl I really am I mean I prayed, sweated, did acupuncture and cried over even getting pregnant so I know what a miracle this baby is BUT part of me wanted to give his family the first grandson since DH is the first son of the first son I thought "hey that would be neat to have a boy..." so now I'm kinda hoping we have a girl only cause if we have a boy I know how she is and how his family is................they will compare. Yup there I said it, so if I have a girl she'll still be a "first" and SIL can't compare her boy to my girl. But with my luck I may end up having a boy but I tell ya what, I will not stand for any comparing. ahhh. this so sucks and has ruined my entire day. I just need to vent to someone so i think I'll call a friend of mine who I know will be sympathtic rather that try to talk to DH and get no where.