a little secret.....

ok so what I thought was AF on CD36 turned out it wasn't.....I POAS today and wonders of wonders it was positive. I don't know what to think people.....my RE told me it would be impossible for me to get pregnant again in my one tube that was left since it was closed off but yet...........two pink lines say otherwise. I'm cautious........extremely so and detached only because I'm preparing myself for it to be ectopic. I don't want to get my hopes up not even a little bit because I'm afraid if I do then when my beta tests comes back and it is ectopic then I'll crash harder. I keep saying its ectopic only cause how could my tube be open I mean it was closed and my only chance was through IVF. This is not supposed to have happened not this way...........Part of me a small part wants it to be a valid pregnancy but that's my heart talking.......my brain keeps saying louder "it may have made it through an opening in the tube but it's probably stuck midway...don't get to attached it's not going to last". I want to have hopeful happy thoughts but I just can't.......does that make sense? As for symptoms I have tender tender and swollen (.)(.) and some of my sports bras are not fitting. My BBT temps have spiked up they have been in the 98.1 realm now have jumped up to 98.4. Dunno if that means anything or if that is an indication if it's ectopic or not. I've been fatigued as well and hungrier too. I tried to remember how I felt last time and I think I remember feeling pain in my left shoulder and I was hungrier and swollen and tender breasts as well but not fatigued also I was not as emotional as I am now. Oh Lordy Lordy please please let this be our miracle that we've been waiting for. Let me finally be a mom. I've only told my mom and sisters and DH has told his parents and siblings....yes even SIL knows...she says she's excited and hopes it's not ectopic again. I feel almost numb you know? I'm making an appointment tommorrow for blood work and I hope that by the end of the week I'll know if we'll be parents in late fall or my dreams have been shattered. I guess if anything I can be thankful that my tube did unblock and I AM pregnant at least for today and for that I am thankful. I keep thinking this is not real...........I NEVER thought I'd see those 2 pink lines again ever again in my life. So I close with words that my heart keeps saying...
Please please let this be, I want to be a mommy I want to finally have the dream we've been hoping for. I'm scared and even though it's too early I still have feelings of hope for this little light inside me. Please be in the right spot please!