Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Waiting game......

I swear I can literally hear the clock ticking in my house! Gosh all this waiting is agony and I can't help but think as an infertile we do ALOT of waiting but lack of patience. We wait to try naturally if we'll concieve, we wait during IUI or IVF if that cycle is a BFP or BFN, then we wait after we get the good news to see if this pregnancy will indeed stick. Well right now I'm in the last part of waiting because today I go to the lab to give more blood and this SHOULD tell my Dr if indeed we are dealing with an ectopic or normal pregnancy. Since Monday I've been on pins and needles because any little twitch or cramp in my pelvic area I start sweating and dreading it's a sign of it being ectopic. I'm trying my damnest to keep positive but I'm afraid if I start to enjoy this little light, as I've been doing, then I'm setting myself up for a let down. I googled what was the % of another ectopic happening and it was bad huh? But only if the other tube was good.........well that's the thing folks my other tube WAS blocked at the end so do I even fall in that %? The way my luck has gone so far with pregnancies.........I may very well be in that 30%. I'm gonna give my Dr till tommorrow to give me my results because yes I'll admit it I'm chicken to call any sooner......I figure if it's bad news the longer I can safely delay it the better for me to prepare for it. But I've gotta call Thurs anyways in case I don't get a call back from them only because I need to know what's my next step? Do I go in for more blood work? Will I have to get a sonogram w/the dildo cam? I mean what? this is really a matter of life and death I can't be waiting..................whew......ok calm down calm blood pressure is up I'm getting ahead of my self but it's how my brain is wired.......I've not been in this place in a LONG time so I'm at loss on what to do. I hope hope hope please be in the right spot little one, we've waited a long time for you and alot of people are rooting for you. PLEASE I want to finally be a mom by birthday in April, I hope I get my wish. I'll post most likely tomorrow unless I get a call today. Wish me luck everyone!

*********** UPDATE********************
Monday's HCG results: 546
Wednesday's HCG results: 1315!
I am scheduled for an ultrasound Friday at noon
I'm not running down the street telling everyone yet.........I'm still cautious I've learned from watching other women in my RESOLVE group that some have great beta numbers but nothing growing but the sac. I know we won't see anything we may not even hear a heartbeat but I will delighted to know that it's not in my remaining tube I WANT & NEED for this little one to be in my womb where it can grow strong and be nourished. It has not really sunk in for me yet I guess I'm still needing one more hurdle to cross the ultra sound............I hope and I NEED for this to work out. PLEASE let this be the year I become a mom please dear Lord.

1 comment:

Meghan said...

I'm with you on all the waiting. It's killing me.

I've got everything crossed for good news from the dr, sounds like you're due for it!